Coffee+Crumbs: Sometimes You Can Have Both


Have you ever unexpectedly ugly-cried after a movie? I watched a movie recently where the stars had to lay aside their relationship in order to achieve their dreams. As the credits rolled, I surprised myself when I let out a full-body “UGH!” My husband turned to me to share what he liked about the movie and I couldn’t speak, waving my hand at him and sputtering, “Not yet.” When we got back to the car I started making guttural keening sounds like some kind of melancholy walrus.

Later that night, I woke up around 3 a.m., still physically disturbed. Why had this movie affected me so much? Good grief, it was winning all kinds of awards and everyone was talking about how wonderful it was. What was wrong with me?

I ached for the characters, that they could achieve their dreams, but not with each other. That in the middle of so much gain, they experienced a loss so deep they carried it with them forever.

It’s a lie we buy into all too often. Go out and have your fun before you settle down with a family. Don’t get bogged down in a relationship. I’ve got to arrive at a certain place in my career before I can think about marriage.

I think about what my husband and I would’ve lost if we’d let that thinking pull us apart.

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  • Ariana Miller

    I read this over on C+C and I wanted to shout out loud because YES. So much yes. My husband and I are hitting 8 years of marriage (and we’ve got 3 kids) this year. We are chasing our dreams and dreaming together in ways we never planned or could have done alone. It’s more sacrifice, more work, and more beautiful too. Thank you for giving this the right words.





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