I can write whole books, but ask me to write a short bio about myself and my mind goes blank. In the words of Brick Tamland from Anchorman, “I love lamp.”
Here’s an official-sounding bio:
Melanie Dale is an author, speaker, podcaster, and mother of three children from three different continents. She and her husband live in the Atlanta area. They have successfully kept their kids alive for a combined total of 227,760 hours, give or take. Melanie is a staff writer for Coffee+Crumbs, has appeared on numerous radio shows and podcasts, was a panelist on the television show Moms Everyday for two seasons, and has been featured in articles in Real Simple, The Bump, Working Mother, the Atlanta-Journal Constitution, and the Los Angeles Times.
Good. Great. That’s me. Now let’s talk about you.
Let me tell you what I want for you. I want to share funny stories that make you laugh. I want you to know you’re not alone. I want to help us both calm the heck down. If I could shove a coffee or a peaty scotch through the screen you’re staring at, I totally would. Unfortunately I found out the interwebz doesn’t work like that. I can, however, send you my monthly newsletter, containing a chatty little essay and my monthly top ten, which is a combination of things I’ve created and random stuff I find on the internet that I think will make you smile.
I’m a special needs mom, adoptive mom, in vitro mom, and reluctant cheer mom. Like the bio says, I have three kids from three different continents, acquired out of birth order. My first is my middle, born after a five-year battle with infertility. Then we flanked him on either side with new sisters, the youngest from Ethiopia, and the oldest from Latvia. My kids are teens and tweens now, everyone is snarky, and my house smells like feet. I’ve been married to my college sweetheart, Alex, for a couple of decades, and we both work from home so our kids can’t ever escape us. We have two dogs, Khaleesi the Maltipoo and JPEG the Incontinent.
As much as I pretend to be super chill about everything, I’m a fairly excitable person, so maybe I’ll tell you what I’m excited about.
- First and foremost, I’m excited about you.
- I’m excited about new seasons of my favorite TV shows.
- I’m excited about black coffee.
- I’m excited about reading gothic horror.
- I love fantasy and monsters.
- I’m excited about comedy and anybody who will make me laugh.
- Doc Martens make me feel like the best version of myself, like I can take anything life throws at me.
- I love getting together with friends over a cup of something strong and solving all the world’s problems.
- I still know all the words to “The Humpty Dance.” Peace and humptiness forever.